Measuring Up

Around the Internet, I see a recurrent theme among men in commenting on the death of Pat Tillman: “I wish I were half the man that he was.” So be half the man that he was, then; plus some, if you can. You’re still alive and have the chance to do so. I’m not necessarily saying that you should run out and join the military and volunteer for Ranger school as Mr. Tillman did. I am saying that there are many other ways to be a real man and if you want to do it, stop talking about it and get on with it. Be advised, however, that to be the type of man that he appears to have been requires faith, integrity, strength and, yes, some sacrifice. Lunch isn’t free, not unless it’s day-old and spoiled.

Aaron, the Liberal Slayer speaks of “get laid politics,” the feminist politics to which too many men fall victim in order to keep peace and piece in their homes. To take a stand, follow through on that stand and be the leader in the home, church, synagogue and society when the well-being of all of the above are at stake requires some testicular fortitude. Some guys just are too afraid to stand up to the ovarian fortitude that’s been nurtured by feminism--for good and ill--in the last forty plus years. The owner of those ovaries might walk out the door.

Psst! Acting from fear is unmanly. It’s unwomanly for that matter.

I submit that the type of woman that wants to hinder the existence and propagation of real men, you don’t want anyway. Not ultimately. Not in the long-run. (Of course, if you’re thinking about the short-run type of woman, this post isn’t for you.)

Doing what is right in the face of fear is a defining quality of a real man. Risk is an ever-present factor in such a man’s life, as the Tillman family and hundreds of other families have found out over the past three years. However, great rewards almost always are accompanied by such risks. For real men, “getting laid” is the least of his rewards, both earthly and heavenly speaking. I don’t know of any real man that’s wanting for the companionship of a real woman, should he so desire it. Such men have the added perks of self-respect, peer-respect and countless others. What's not to covet? So after you dry your eyes over the Fallen, go out and Just Do It.™

Be the man--loyal, honest, tough, tender--that you want to be. Don’t let anyone stand in your way, including the women in your life. If you guys want to give Pat Tillman a fitting memorial, I’d say that’s it.

Boy, the NFL peacocks are going to look pretty lame this year, by comparison. That is as it should be.

Comments

[Monkey]

I love your opening comments - hell yeah - don't whine about WANTING to be something - BE IT!!!

(Of course they'll act as if Bush directly killed the guy)

[debbie]

Amen and Amen!

[Rhesa]

Beeeautiful post! You go, girl!

[Indigo]

You make me proud to be your gender, J.

[Helen]

Two thumbs up, girl! That's as rousing a call to manhood as I've ever heard! There'll never be a better.

[A Man]

Be a man? Easy for you to say. A lot of us men (or "men" if you prefer) do indeed act out of fear -- fear of losing our jobs. It may be different in the army, but in the civilian world "being a man" often gets you thrown into "sensitivity training." I don't like it one bit, but my family has to eat.

[wes jackson]

That's the kinda spine I"M talking about!

AMEN Baldilocks!

[StinKerr]

It seems to have inspired the doggerelpundit to pen a verse.

http://www.doggerelpundit.blogspot.com/2004_04_20_doggerelpundit_archive.html#108251758794769106

[birdwoman]

A Man, I think you're missing what "a real man" is - at least as I'm reading it here. It's not the lascivious lecher who burps and rubs his belly like a caveman.

Say what you mean, mean what you say. Stand for your principles, live as you want to be viewed, and don't be ashamed of your masculinity. None of that gets you into sensitivity training. But it puts you on the road to being (in my mind) a real man.

But there are repricussions for real men these days, too. Read Kim Du Toit's "pussification" essay. (his term, not mine) (and why do I feel as though I need to apologize for the term? Daggone P.C. brainwashing...) at http://www.kimdutoit.com/dr/essays/essays.php?id=P2327

[og]

"I am saying that there are many other ways to be a real man and if you want to do it, stop talking about it and get on with it."

Truer words are rarely spoken. You rock, Juliette.

[Chris]

You are a VERY well-spoken woman. That's all I can say. :-)

[aaron]

On fear, it's alot easier to make those decisions when you have financial security. Go in prepared to die, but not expecting to.

[LtCol W. Curtis USMC (Ret)]

Great comments, by you...and your many fans.

What can I add? Not much. However, we do NEED
more real men. Warrior/Protectors. The opposite of most the the thugs portrayed in the movies,
"music" and on too many streets and school yards.

Real husbands, real fathers, real leaders. Someone, that actually makes the world a better
place and all kids would be proud of. Question guys, would you want YOU to be your father?

[Jeffersonian]

I've been sitting in front of an empty comment box for ten minutes, trying to think of something to add to your essay, Baldi. I can't, other than to say it's a sad testament to so many modern American males that they know less about being a man than does one American female. But then again, you're military.

If you ever get to Missouri, the suds are on me, lady.

[David]

This world is desperately in need of men who will stand for something. Not demanding "their rights" but living up to their responsibilities. Any fool can demand his "rights", yet most would never dream of living up to their responsibilities.

A real man does not draw attention to himself, but lets his actions speak for him.

A real man knows that if you have character, you need not worry about your reputation. He understands that reputation always comes out of one's character.

A real man is not ashamed to show appropriate emotion. Any man worth his salt knows this... and so do you ladies.

A real man laughs often, and frequently he is the object of his laughter.

A real man is not afraid or intimidated to be tender. Not tender in a female way, but in a male way. He is a "tender warrior," to quote Stu Weber, a much decorated former Army Ranger.

A real man is gentle, but that does not mean soft. No Mr. Whimple (the old Charmin' commercial guy) need apply.

A real man is not afraid to admit mistakes, but learns from them.

A real man will treat his wife (or girlfriend), his children and all those around him with respect.

A real man will do things for others he would never ask others to do for him, because a real man has a servant heart.

A real man says what he means and means what he says.

And last but not least, a real man never thinks about whether or not he is a real man.

Bottom line, a real man is just that... real.

[baldilocks]

"I can't, other than to say it's a sad testament to so many modern American males that they know less about being a man than does one American female."

:::shrug:::: From four decades of observation, I know what I like. And what I don't like. Thanks, all.

[Ricky Vandal]

WOOOOOOHHOOOOOOOOOOOOO After reading your rebel yell I just wanna run out the door, grab a oman by her hair and drag her to my cave WAAAAAAAHOOOOOOOO

just kidding. Great post though. I assure you it hit a sensitive bone in my body.

[baldilocks]

Ricky, I know you were kidding, but I couldn't resist for observers: a real man doesn't have to *make* his woman do anything. And the reason that I'll skip the grabbing-the-hair commentary should be obvious. :-P

[The Sanity Inspector]

Well done.

[Bloodthirsty Warmonger]

Some of your readers may not enjoy reading this, but you have more cojones than many men.:) I think it's only fair to pay tribute to SGT Tillman, not because he had distinguished himself as a professional football player, but because his courage, professionalism, and patriotism was typical of many servicemen and women in Afghanistan, Iraq, and many other countries throughout the world.

[baldilocks]

BW: No I don't. I just have a big mouth.

I've been trying to think of how I can take my own advice. Be a better woman, I mean. I've got a few ideas.

Thanks, Pat and all The Rest of You Who Gave It All.

[maura]

Tillman and the other heroes are why I keep trying to be one myself. Someone believes the dream's worth defending. May they keep the world safe enough that we have the chance to be heroes, even half that of Pat Tillman.

[Mrs. du Toit]

Baldilocks, I just want to say that in your last comment, "I've been trying to think of how I can take my own advice" is probably the proof positive that you ARE terrific--constantly evaluating oneself, not resting on your laurels (and you have plenty to rest on), looking for ways to improve, and remaining humble...

Well.

You are a real man in my book.

[baldilocks]

Then I must be a gay man. No, wait! Eh, forget it. :-P

[John Salmon]

Great message, crisp writing.

[MarkM]

Typical female thinking, that being a man of faith, integrity and strength somehow centers around a woman.

I'll tell you were making a stand gets you. I now live without my children. So fuck off with your stupid comments about what a man should be and try focusing on what a real woman is. Women don't know what the hell they want. From what I can see, what they want is a penis since they only thing feminism has accomplished is to show that they can do some of the things that men do.

[baldilocks]

Mark. I got the female part from a man as you would know if you could read effectively.

I was raised without my father, his choice, and I managed not to grow a bunch of hostility for men that you're displaying for me. I'm not the mother of your children (thank God) nor did I take them away. Try picking a real woman next time. Don't blame the rest of us if you picked a short-term woman for a long-term proposition.

That was your last post here, by the way. I will not be cursed at by some anonymous jerk.

[Tanya]

"the type of woman that wants to hinder the existence and propagation of real men, you don’t want anyway."

Beautifully stated, Juliette. All of it.

[JT_Hunter]

Most men play one-upmanship all the time. For a man to lower himself beneath another man is to pay the deepest respect for that person. This has nothing to do with women. I do however believe that one should personally know the individual. I did not know this person, and I have not read the other posts you refer to. To me he is a hero, as are all of our men and women fighting for us. There are very few people that I look up to in this world, however when I have found such a person either male or female, they will be treated with this type of respect. There are very few….
Aside from this small issue, your post is right on the mark concerning the American male. Just my point of view.

[baldilocks]

JT: Please read Aaron's post to which I linked. I mentioned the part about women only to give one of the reasons that some men have given up on trying to be real men. It had nothing to do with what you're talking about.

Thank you for being polite in your disagreement, however. It's the mark of a real man. :-)

[JT_Hunter]

Your point was well taken concerning men's behavior, as well as the actions of women. I agree with you completely on this issue. I was voicing my opinion as to why you see so many men making the comment about being "half the man as Tillman". It is a courtesy statement used to show respect. However you do make a good point that most men are half already. I read Arron’s piece. He can be a bit long for me, but he does make some good points. The best part of participating in the weblog world is how much it allows me to see what others believe as well as an opportunity for self-reflection. Your post caused me to take a look. Thanks for your insight. Too often when one gender makes comments about the other there is usually a great deal of anger involved. I found an objective view here. Also thanks for the compliment.

[Jim]

just my 2 cents here, but something that seems to be overlooked is: being a real man/woman is not easy and it takes work.

over the past decades it seems to me, just in general, we're losing a work ethic and developing an entitlement mentality... and you just aren't entitled to be a real man or woman, you have to work it and develop it, and keep with it when you fail, and get up and do it again, ad infinitum.

it would have been so easy for pat tillman to take the easy way, and the 3 million. he already had it and it would have been no change nor challenge for him.

likewise, we're never entitled to freedom. it's something that must be worked for continually or else it's surrendered by inaction.

and of course, freedom does not mean freedom FROM the responsibility of maintaining it~

thanks for the great blog, too

[baldilocks]

Jim said:... something that seems to be overlooked is:being a real man/woman is not easy and it takes work.

I said: Be advised, however, that to be the type of man that he appears to have been requires faith, integrity, strength and, yes, some sacrifice. Lunch isn’t free, not unless it’s day-old and spoiled.

Jim, nope, that wasn't overlooked. :-) And thank you for reading.

[Cassandra]

Juliette:

What a great post. Just before 9/11 we had sunk all our savings into a retirement home and were getting ready to move in and finally settle down. My spousal unit had just turned down a command out here and was thinking of retiring. I have been moving all my life and was really looking forward to settling down and being near my grown sons.

I got an email at work - "sorry hun, I'm taking the job in California - it's what I need to do." He knew I wouldn't be happy about it, and I know him well enough to know he didn't do it without a lot of worry. I also happen to know he didn't particularly want the job - because it's a Reserve BN, he wouldn't even get to go to Iraq if they deployed - he'd do all the work to get them ready but he wouldn't get to go with them. Instead, he'd get shipped somewhere else and probably end up as some sort of REMF.

But a few days after 9/11, he had figured out we were going to war and he wanted to do whatever he could to help.

I have never been prouder of him than I was on that day. Since the day I met him, he has always done what he thinks is right, and nothing I can say or do will ever change that. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Flw-2]

Here's a poem from a British soldier who was killed towards the end of World War I, some of you may already know of it:

--Dulce Et Decorum Est--

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame; all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of disappointed shells that dropped behind.

GAS! Gas! Quick, boys!-- An ecstasy of fumbling,
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time;
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And floundering like a man in fire or lime.--
Dim, through the misty panes and thick green light
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams, before my helpless sight,
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin;
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.

-Wilred Owen 1917