This is a message from the Uppity Unburka'd Gun-Toting Grandmas of the Free World to Mr. Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, so-called President of Iran and teller of poisonous, slithering lies:
Bite Us.
You loser. Your pansy excuse for a religion requires you to offer us a chance to submit and convert before you try to kill and enslave us. Offer noted for the record. Tragically for you, we have guns and bad attitudes. Our sons and grandsons have bigger guns and worse attitudes. Our military has the biggest guns and the worst attitudes this earth has ever seen.
I've got news, Mahmoud my boy. We're pretty committed to this democracy thing we've got going here. And none of us is all that excited about giving up our job, education, voting rights, intimate body parts or ability to feel the sun on more than just our eyebrows.
We don't fancy our daughters and granddaughters as breeding stock for you and your genetically subnormal followers, either. The girls are uppity too and expect to choose for themselves who the daddies of their babies will be. "Smelly violent hate-crazed camel molester" doesn't seem to be a strong favorite, sorry to have to disillusion you about that.
Oh, and nice try on the Jewish thing, by the way. Trouble is, since we live here, we know these people as our neighbors and friends. If they control anything, it's as individuals who worked for it and earned it, and not as some mythical cabal using some devilish powers. Are you sure you're not just jealous that the smart, hardworking Jewish guys have some of the prettiest girls begging for their company, while you have to kidnap and bribe even ugly women to get within a mile of you?
Just a last little technicality. Your prophet was a liar, a thief, a murderer, a child molester, and a megalomaniac paranoid psychopath. Ours was a chaste, honest, humble, self-sacrificing carpenter and fisherman, a wise and gentle teacher. Your prophet believed that a million people should die rather than one hair of his own head be harmed. Our prophet was willing to die himself to save even the most wretched man, and wanted no man ever to be harmed on his account. If God is just, and merciful, and loving as you claim to believe, which prophet was of God and which the imposter?
So keep up with the smarmy pseudo peace overtures and the not-very-well-veiled, you should excuse the pun, threats. The first serious hit you take at an American city or even just a school full of American kids, the Chamberlains among us will be silenced. The entire population will be focused on moving every last Iranian off this planet and into the arms of your God, known to us by his real name of Satan.
As you seem to approve of deceit and deception, child rape and murder, beheading and all forms of mutilation, barbarous cruelty and unending brutal stupidity, you should be quite at home there in hell. Now don't write back, we've got the spam filter turned on. You might try something just for the Democrats in Congress. They love devious, weaselly letters and they'll submit to anyone who threatens them with anything.
Just remember, if you convert them we won't take them back.
